beauty girl cry

I’ve been deeply in my own process since the events of Tuesday night.  Actively grieving, raging, emoting, checking out, falling into despair, processing, and surrendering.

 

For the most part, I’ve stayed off of social media, and far from my TV.

 

I don’t really need to know the specifics of what is happening now. I am too well acquainted with the larger picture, and my particular programming informs my seeing of What Comes Next.

 

It’s not pretty.

 

And, I’m not yet ok with that.

 

Not because I don’t understand where we are ultimately headed (which is infinitely good but a long time from now), not because I was deluded in thinking Hillary Clinton would have changed the world and I’m having some childish temper tantrum because the girls’ team didn’t win, and not because I lack some highly spiritual wherewithal to buck up and focus on the positive while holding to the (obviously) best and most evolved energetics of love, light, and unity.

 

Unprocessed fear is under every part of what got us here. It is the ego’s greatest stronghold.

 

Ages of repression and separation from our own wild nature is the hallmark of the patriarchy. As it doubles down for one last hurrah of violence, distorted masculine, and white supremacy it is daunting to know how to respond.

 

Our shaken, battered, wounded voices writing over and over, “love always wins” on our Facebook walls – hopeful that somehow, some way a magical New Earth posse is going to ride up over the crest of the hill on their white horses and swoop down in here to finally prove our theory and save us from the madness.

 

Others of us are so uncomfortable with the fear knocking at our door, we have already jumped into action. Organizing to save or change the world ourselves. Determined to make this right and double down our own efforts to stand up to the madness. But when we do so IN REACTION to our unprocessed fear, we are simply creating the opportunity to have our worst (most repressed) fears confirmed (again).

 

To my well intentioned sisters pressing me to feel differently than I am feeling, so they can feel better about how THEY are feeling — with nervous excitement and platitudes pointing out the imminent possibilities of the New Earth arriving now that we have elected an unconvicted rapist and legendary con artist as leader of the free world – Stand Down.

 

Don’t mistake my grieving and my rapport with my own fear as weakness. Quite the contrary. It is the most courageous work that can be done.

 

And is a necessary phase for coming into Resonance with What Is So.

 

When a caterpillar metamorphoses into a butterfly it first LIQUEFIES. The process of dissolution is a fundamentally DEVASTATING process.

 

And so is the fall of a civilization.

 

The New Earth cannot rise until the old one has been razed. What has been catalyzed with Donald Trump’s election is the expediting of the destruction. It will be a disaster. Lives will be lost, liberties abused, divisions amplified. Violence, dissention, and dissolution are already underway.

 

We do not have the luxury of leapfrogging over these.

 

We are being groomed and made into Beings who are resonant with the New Earth. That means we must develop an affinity with shadow. We must make it our practice to turn toward it and toward it and toward it again. Cultivating the courage to go into the deepest recesses of our own closets to understand and know the disowned parts of ourselves that have taken up residence there.

 

We must be unflinching as we look at the depth of our privilege. Get up close and personal with our own inner tyrant – the oppressor who wears our own face.

 

It’s not about looking outward and taking our liberal, spiritual naivete to go listen to the Poorly Understood and heretofore not properly acknowledged Trump voter.

 

It’s about getting off of our condescending fucking high horses and realizing that these “lower level” feelings are REAL. They exist in YOU.

 

It is not about THEM. They exist as a reflection of your own unexamined disempowerment, control/power issues, racism, and elitism.

 

Imagine a protest of a united group of people who are firmly in touch with their fear, and as a result peaceful in their stand. Unavailable for reaction. Not worried they won’t “win.” They’ve already FACED the worst INSIDE OF THEMSELVES and there is nothing left that can shake them from their foundation. Not only is that a highly potent movement, it is magnetic. People who aren’t already in that movement want more of it. They will want to know how to become like that. They won’t need to legislate their control and power (classic fear responses). They will begin to get curious about this authentic unshakeability that is spreading like wildfire.

 

But the only way to get THERE is to be HERE. In the quaking and shaking. The anger and disenfranchisement. Turning toward the doomsday scenarios playing themselves out in your head.

 

Those things might very well happen.

 

Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.

 

Feel your own smallness and vulnerability.

 

Grieve the shittiness of your fellow human beings. And your own.

 

We’ve been served a giant shit sandwich of our own making and no one else can eat it for us.

 

You can try buttering yours up with some Stay in the Love sauce or some Let’s Ban Together and Do This! on the side…

 

But the main course sits squarely on the center of your plate waiting for you to dig in.

 

If you are excited to look at this level of Collective Shadow (as one well meaning friend said to me the day after the election… “I know this is landing hard for you, but I’m EXCITED! Now we get to look at our Collective Shadow!! Yay!”) you aren’t yet looking in the right place.

 

The level of emotional excavation currently being called forth feels like going to the gynecologist and then wiping your ass with sandpaper.

 

There are a million other things you’d rather do instead and it is gritty as hell.

 

But here we are.

 

And the Divinely Feminine thing to do is to Dive In. Make the ground wet with our tears. To open the floodgates of emotional expression as we create a permission field for the intelligence of our most deeply repressed emotional baggage to make itself Known.

 

Give Us this day our daily Bread. The manna of our own authentic expression creating an energetic tidal wave of passionate hair pulling, clothes rending, snot running down our face, Wild Soul hysteria of our True Nature.

 

There will be time enough to forgive those who have and will continue to trespass against Us.

 

For now, allow your guts to be twisted and your hearts to be broken wide open by it.

 

Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.

 

If you aren’t scared, you aren’t paying attention.

 

Go Deeper my Sisters.

 

Our liberation lives there.

 

 

 

 

 

3 comments

  • Ruth Nodel

    Thanks again goddess Jody.
    I deal with things daily that make me rage and cry and affirm the good.
    I am.married to a man.
    Goddess bless us all.

  • Lydia Eloff

    Thank you for this. I am having a hard time with all of this, and I found your words to be very helpful and spot on.

  • Michelle Wolff

    yesterday four powerful women danced with personal, regional and collective grief, the agony, the burn of pain, shame and sorrow. I drew into my body flaming pain, dank deteriorated sludge and slime, and clanking clunking rusted chains. Through sacred spiraling in Qoya dance I transmuted it over and over again using my body as a cauldron of alchemy in ways I never knew how to manage before Magik School. For those of us also feeling the pressure to “buck up lil soldier” I appreciate this post even more.

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